Being responsible during adolescence

Dr Asha Pemberton

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Through adolescence, young people oscillate in their ability to take ownership for their actions. Often with good intention, parents tend to step in to prevent untoward consequences instead of allowing young people to learn the value of being responsible.

This concept applies to a sense of care of their belongings, as well as the ability to consistently demonstrate the skills of self-reliance and decision making. As teens successfully handle responsibilities, they build confidence in their abilities to solve problems, manage time, and navigate challenges.

Accountability is at the cornerstone of being responsible. Young people must learn to accept and understand the consequences of their actions. Despite the discomfort, learning and growth occur when teens are able to recognise the outputs of their inputs. Through this process they are best able to make different choices in the future when outcomes are undesirable, or conversely sustain actions that lead to success.

A role of adolescent development is healthy transitioning to adulthood. Adult life is full of change, opportunity and challenge; and young adults are required to display problem-solving skills, resilience and adaptability. These all arise from the foundation of being responsible.

Teens are not inclined to solve a concern that they believe to be someone else’s job. Likewise, they are less interested in adjusting to change if they believe it to be out of their control. In addition to academic preparation for future roles and opportunities, being responsible in the teen years prepares youth for the many adult roles to come.

Peer pressure and social distractions are primary reasons why teens shirk their responsibilities; to themselves, their school work or family duties. Teens are heavily influenced by their social circles. Often, they may struggle with balancing responsibilities and the desire to fit in or please friends.

Parents are advised to communicate and work with their young people toward identifying their goals and priorities and making adjustments to accommodate most things that they want. If teens feel forced into certain roles they may resist and rebel. There is an art to allowing the flexibility of having their voices heard, while being firm on the things that must be made a priority and focused upon.

Some adolescents lack the intrinsic motivation to take responsibility, especially when it comes to tasks they do not find interesting or relevant. As they grow older, parents must impress upon them that through all aspects of life, there will be areas that are less appealing but still must be done. This is perhaps the most challenging area of parenting this topic, but is still required toward optimal overall development.

Like many aspects of parenting teens, creativity is required to teach responsibility. Ideally this should start in earlier childhood. Young people should have specific roles or duties within their family structures. This way, when they fall short, the gap is obvious and they are forced to take accountability. They should also be praised for consistent efforts and not only chided when they are less successful.

Few to no young people enjoy constant berating. Even through time of frustration and fatigue, parents are reminded to be mindful of their words to young people.

Engaging young people to be a part of decision-making processes is often successful. Young people are more likely to commit and connect to actions that they feel involved in. Family dinners and meetings are excellent opportunities to gauge and engage the perspectives of young people on the decisions that affect them.

As we continue to experience tragic and painful outcomes to adolescent lives, we can find teachable moments applicable to all. Teaching teens a strong sense of responsibility bodes well toward better decision-making and ownership of their actions and reactions to the circumstances around them.

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