Domestic abuse survivor finds healing in helping others

MAKEDA Charles endured a lot of abuse from childhood to her early twenties. She suffered verbal, physical and even sexual abuse at the hands of a close family member.

But she says she has come out of the situation stronger than ever, and hopes to become a social worker to help others in similar situations.

Charles, now 35, was born and raised in TT, but moved to the US at ten. She attended the Siparia Girls’ RC Primary School, then different primary and secondary-level schools in the US when she moved there.

She has a degree in social work from Nyack College (now Alliance University of Social Work) and her master’s in social work from Long Island University.

She initially lived with her mother and father in TT, but lost her father to cancer at six, and her mother moved to the US sometime after.

“I lived with my grandmother for a few years until age ten, and then I came to America.”

One of her older brothers also migrated.

Charles’s mother had remarried by the time she went to join her, and she was convinced her mother was living a better life.

But: “As soon as I came to America, my stepfather picked me up at the airport, and when I got home, I was exposed to all the domestic violence happening at home.”

She said he would verbally abuse her mother, even while she was pregnant.

“It was difficult, because in that situation, you want to report it, but you’re still very scared.”

She said the fear was very real even though the abuse was not being inflicted on her. Unfortunately, that soon changed.

“There was a time my brother and I were lying down in a bunk bed and he (their stepfather) overturned the entire bed just because he bought it, and he said he hated us.

“He would also be yelling at my brother, who loved playing music. But whenever he played music, he would tell him to turn it off.”

She said whenever her stepfather disciplined her and her brother, he would do it in “an out-of-control way” and curse them. He even threw juice on her another time.

She said she was also sexually abused. She recalled feeling helpless and was afraid to tell her brother and mother. But then: “At 12, I told him whatever he was doing to me, he couldn’t do that to me any more.”

But she still tried to get some help from social services for the other types of abuse her family had been enduring.

“And like later, at age 15, I had got involved in an organisation called Summer Search here in New York in America, and they decided to help me by confronting my family.

“They invited my stepfather and my mother to come to a meeting, but my stepfather decided not to go. But my mother came, and the founder of the programme said that kind of abuse couldn’t go on in the home.”

Charles said while it toned down, she still felt uncomfortable being around her abuser.

“It was still a very emotionally toxic environment, and I lived there until I was about 22.”

It was not until adulthood that she opted to tell her mother about the sexual abuse.

“It took a lot of courage, but it felt safer at that time for me to say it. I never said it in the past because I didn’t want a blood scene or anything.

“My mother decided that we would go to the police and report what happened.”

Her stepfather was arrested and the case later went to trial. He was convicted and sentenced to four years in jail. He died a year before he was set to come out.

WMN checked the court records: in November 2012, he was charged with sexual conduct against a child in the second degree, and sexual abuse in the third degree.

Charles remembered thinking it may have been too late to go to the police with her situation.

“I thought I would be condemned, and that it wouldn’t work in my favour. So I was surprised they even arrested him, and then to testify (in court) took a lot of courage.

“But it brought me peace and I felt like God gave me justice.”

On his death, she said, “That felt like further protection for me and my family, because some (offenders) seek vengeance when they come out.”

Reading was a major part of her healing journey after all this.

“I would read self-help books, books about self-esteem and educational books and whatever would feed my soul.

“It’s like (all the abuse) it’s in the past and I can move on and be a fully functioning, sound-minded adult.”

She told WMN she wanted to be a doctor as a child, but then, “With all the adversity that I suffered, it made me interested in human behaviour and made me want to help people.

“My experiences definitely shaped what I decided to study.”

She still enjoys reading and even wrote and published a few books of her own. Some titles, available on Amazon, include Combat Unemployment, Black Hair Luck: You’re Fortunate to have Black Hair, and The Supernatural Power of Desire.

She said ultimately, her aim is to return to TT to begin doing social work and to create an NGO and shelter for abused women and children.

While completing a social-work internship, she had the opportunity to speak to fellow victims of domestic abuse.

“I would assess and ask them if they have a plan and direct them to social services that were available. And sometimes clients would cry, and that’s a huge relief for them when you can cry about it.”

Charles said her mother is also doing “much better” now.

“She was able to move on in her life and be peaceful and explore new relationships.”

Asked what words of encouragement she has for any young women who may be feeling hopeless in similar situations, she said, “I would tell them that they have the strength and the courage to make the decision that could lead to their life being better.”

 

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